Season 1, Episode 5
(K: one little Kali jumping on the bed, one fell off and bumped my head, mommy called doctor and doctor said, no more monkeys jumping on the bed.)
Sometimes you have to shake things up, switch gears and get loose! And need I remind you that I am a sometime rule breaker. So this week in episode 5 we're taking an interlude from the big picture to focus on the little things.
Once upon a time when I was about 16 I found myself in NY at the Nuyorican poetry cafe on stage reading from my journal. I was visiting my best friend and her beau both friends from high school. In retrospect I have no idea how I thought it was a good idea to be on that stage and how my parents thought it was cool to let me go but I am forever grateful.
So first up...resurrecting my slam vibes with a message on perfectionism for all us mum bosses out there!
(R: Why do we get so lost
in the unreal
This mask we put on to be something different
thinking it's something better
It's a subtle game we play with
a ruse we entangle
to stay entertained.
A trip, a lie,
we pass this trip down
as a security blanket for
when our truth is more
radiant than the
mask ever could.
It's time now to crack
to let it go
lighten your load
there is nothing more
beautiful than you.)
I don't know how many times she must say mom in a day. I was trying to record as many as I could one day but it was too difficult and too many to try and capture. So here is a snippet of what it has been like going up and down our five floor walk up if I choose not to carry her.
(K: mumma, mamma, mammaaa, mama)
Lately she's started calling me Rachel and little mama which is pretty funny.
(K: Rachel are you mama?
R: I am mama. How else am I called?
K: little mama)
Now I have a confession to make...I give Kaliana my iPad to watch YouTube when I'm working. Some days it's an hour or two straight. I often feel guilty but then I realize that she's watching sesame street or bob the train and learning a lot. Her other fav is Mother Goose Rhymes. So this is a tribute to my girl and my Lettuce Ladies!
(R - Three fine gals. Three fine gals.
See how they play. See how they play.
They all wanted more than being a wife,
Who loved kitchens kids and a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a sight in your life,
As three fine gals.)
My sister was the first person I shared the full version of episode 1 to. I knew she would give me great feedback and she reminded me of sureboss. I had completely forgotten about it in the context of mumboss but it's such a perfect opposite I have to share it...rather, I have to have my husband share it since it comes from his time at Uni. Listen up all you surebosses out there.
(J: Like every great story it starts with a great man. And this great man is Luke Chadderton. The first day I went to University I didn't know anyone. And in the very first dinner I met Luke Chadderton. Typical northern thing where he called everyone boss. Yes boss. No boss. Up boss. Down boss. Anyway. I met him on the first day of University and became close friends. And it became clear pretty quickly that Luke Chadderton was not quite ready for University, especially not the independent study. Because he didn't go to any lectures and in the second year of University a bunch of my friends ended up living with him and he developed this particular habit of pretending that he would go to lectures because we were quite worried about him because he wasn't doing too well in school. We would say Luke, "you gonna go to lecture today?" He'd be like, "sure boss, yeah no problem. Sure boss." So sureboss was a word that he said very often and then one night, I don't remember who came up with it but started using the word in different ways. So using it as a noun: he is such a sureboss. Using it as a verb: I completely surebossed it. Using it as an adjective: in whatever way you would use it like this. But yeah sureboss means you're going to do something and you don't do it and you can say I surebossed my homework. You can say you wanted to meet up with someone or you didn't want to meet up later, you'd say I'll sureboss you later. There's about a million different ways you can use the word sureboss. But it's a big part of the vernacular of the A list Nottingham 2003 Derby Hall.
R: sureboss you later
J: sureboss you later)
"The years go fast but days go slow" it's such a succinct way of describing this time of life with Kaliana. I have to find things to keep us busy throughout the day or figure out how to juggle work and her but she's two now and that is hard to believe. I look at her and see how she is growing out of her clothes, her voice and words are getting clearer, and her independence is expanding. She often tells me, "go away mama." It makes me excited and sad at the same time. The sadness is part of the phantom umbilical cord that must eventually be cut but it's not always easy.
Here's a little excerpt from "Don't Be Afraid Little One" by Caroline Pitcher and Jan Chapman
(R: One morning, the foal woke late. He had done so much running and growing the day before he was very tired. But where was his mother? The foal looked inside the stable, but she wasn't there. THen he saw her by the fence. She had a bridle over her head and a saddle on her back. "I'm going back to work," she called to him. "I'm going to give rides again." "And who will ride m?" Cried the foal with excitement. "You're too little to be ridden yet," explained his mother. "Your back is weak, your mouth is soft as silk, and your legs would snap like twigs." "But I'll be all alone," he wailed. "Oh, please stay with me!"
"No," said the mare, as a little girl climbed onto her back. "You'll be all right. You won't think of me at all." The foal watched as his mother and her rider trotted out of site. He was all alone. "Come back, Mother!" he neighed, and his voice echoed in the hills.
He heard something answer him, but it wasn't his mother. It was the wind! The wind had come down from the hills to play with him. It blew in his mane and his tail, and it blew in the trees and stirred all the leaves. It blew a butterfly for the foal to chase, and it blew a path in the meadow that he could run right through. It even blew little waves in the water of his drinking trough. The foal jumped and ran and bucked and chased and flicked his little black tail. He played with the wind all morning. And then, just as the foal was too tired to run and jump anymore, his mother came back! She nuzzled his neck and said, "You see --nothing bad happened to you when you were all alone." I didn't think of Mother at all, thought the foal. Not even once. "I wasn't alone," he said. "The wind played with me." "So you didn't think of me at all?" "Well, maybe a little bit," said the foal. "That's good," said the mare. "I was thinking about you the whole time!" )
And do you know this tune?
(K: mom lalala?
K: mumboss world...
K: mumboss world
R: she loves her Kali, her hubby too...that's
K: mumboss world...lalalala)
But now to the big stuff...I mean big picture. Next episode... the Maskell show. It's time to bring on
(K: big dadda
A: big dadda? that's a good name)
and put all the pieces together.
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed it, please share and rate on itunes. Subscribe too if you can and send feedback, I always love to hear what you're thinking out there. Thanks again and until next time.
(K: I'm crazy
R: you're crazy?
R: who else is crazy?
K: peoples is crazy
R: peoples is crazy for sure)
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About this episode
This episode was recorded in New York. Music clips were recorded on subway, in Washington Square Park and Kaliana playing the bongo on the way to the roof.